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4 Th And Goal

Posted by Coalman , 31 May 2008 · 152 views


It has all come down to today, the last day of the season. The Super Bowl of Maine Turkey Hunting 2008. There will only be one winner. May the best team win.

We did not get here by winning our way through the playoffs. We were called up to the big game by an unused Maine turkey tag in my brother-in-laws (BIL) pocket.

We were the away team. We had an advantage. We had played in this stadium before.


The home team won the toss and elected to receive. I knew we were in trouble from the opening kick off. The crowd noise was excessive. (Turn it up.)

They had at least 5 whippoorwills surrounding us at daybreak. Not to mention the same barking coyote I had to deal with when I won my Maine Turkey Hunting Game on 05/07/08

The home team pulled out all the stops in the first quarter including the pitter patter of a steady rain during peak roost gobbling time.

We traded the ball back and forth. Our team, throwing loud and aggressive, in your face,

yelping and cutting. The home team would hold us back from advancing by their silence.

End of the first quarter and the score is Turkeys 0, Coalman and BIL 0.


A quick huddle was in order when the rain stopped. Our plan was to divide and conquer. BIL and I split at the trail junction. We needed to move the ball. We hadn’t been out of our own territory. All our unanswered yelps forced us to keep punting.

Just as the whistle blew to end the first half a sharp series of cuts produced a long throaty gobble. The home team played good defense on our final drive of the half. There was a river between us when the gun sounded.

End of the second quarter. First half score, Turkeys 0, Coalman and BIL 0.

On the way to the locker room at the end of the half, BIL found a dollar bill on the side of the trail. He showed it to me in the runway and told me our luck was about to change.


The turkey gobbled on the ridge to the left nearly out of the picture. We spent the whole third quarter in the turkey’s territory.

Instead of being loud and aggressive, we played stealthy and sweet. We knew the location of the home team and kept throwing yelps to the sidelines as we advanced. The turkeys held our front line. It was very hard to advance against their silence. In a bold move to get the ball into the turkey’s red zone we side hilled along the mountain. We needed the turkeys to make a mistake. We needed a penalty.

Ending the third; Turkeys 0, Coalman and BIL 0.


This game was not in a dome. We were at the mercy of Mother Nature. As we side hilled, following our game plan, the crowd roared like an approaching thunderstorm.

As the sound rumbled the field the home team was whistled for a penalty. With renewed enthusiasm the turkeys fired gobbles back at the 12th player; Penalty too many men on the field. But we were caught for off sides. Those gobblers were only 75 yards up the mountain above us. We hit the deck but our position was poor. They held us again and forced us to punt.

The impressed crowd repeated the thundering. Each clap would reveal the home team’s field position. We used the cover of rain to advance the ball up the mountain. We needed to get above those turkeys. Our advance was halted by a downpour. Two minute warning. Time out.

For the first time in the game we made it into the home teams red zone. It came down to four downs.

First down.

We got above the turkeys and set up in a mountain meadow. I gave the ball to Lynch’s Foolproof. He got the birds to gobble but they held their ground.

Second down.

As we executed the next play, we relocated the ball to the hash mark higher above the turkeys. I called in the cutting play to Foolproof. He knew the notes well. The turkeys responded but held the ball only to a short gain.

Third down.

We sent in the “two for” play. We had Foolproof lined up under center. In the back field was Diaphragm Cutter. The hand off to Cutter was answered sharply and up the middle, but the turkeys’ linebackers were tall and held us to no gain.

Fourth and Goal.

This was the last day of the season and the last play of the game. Time would expire after this play and there would be no overtime.

Foolproof and Cutter had gotten us too far to lose now. They had lined up against the best and were both winners. We needed a play so we called a time out.

A good team is made up of veterans, journeymen and rookies. This play called for a veteran. I looked down the bench and in my pocket for prospects. Then I saw her. I got her refreshed each season. Her prodigy had been with me since the beginning of my turkey hunting days. I took Cutter out of the game and replaced him with “Old Boss Hen”.

A veteran also has habits. The home team had already heard the yelps and cuts. I know Old Boss Hen was expecting the raspy play. I had to adjust her slightly in my palette to get the desired tone. Foolproof was again under center. At the snap, Old Boss Hen took the handoff with the sweetest series of kee kee runs. It was totally unexpected and we caught the turkeys off guard. They fired back gobbles. We ran left with kee kee’s and right with runs. The home team was confused and rushed in for the sack.

It had been a long game. The home team’s boss gobblers were on the bench resting after holding the line. The home team had inserted rookie linebackers. We had the right and left offensive lineman step aside and let the rookies rush Old Boss Hen.

It looked as if Old Boss Hen was about to get sacked as she lateral the ball to BIL.

With the butt of his Encore tucked tight into his shoulder and his cheek against the stock, BIL pulled the trigger to the end zone. The boss jake was no match against his 12 gauge 3” #5’s. The shot signaled the end of the game. Touchdown.

Final score Coalman and BIL 6, Turkeys 0.

Awards Ceremony.

We would like to thank Mother Nature. It was the turkeys gobbling at the thunder that opened up the game. We could have never done it without her.

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