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I'm Voting For The Chicken


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#1 Rowdy Yates

Rowdy Yates

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Posted 31 October 2008 - 07:29 AM

Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road?



BARACK OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a

change! The chicken wanted change!



JOHN MC CAIN: My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he

recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the

chickens on the other side of the road...



SARAH PALIN: BECAUSE, PRAISE JESUS, I WAS GONNA SHOOT HIS SORRY

LIBERAL *** OFF FOR BLOCKING MY VIEW OF RUSSIA!



HILLARY CLINTON: When I was First Lady, I personally helped that

little chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely

qualified to ensure right from Day One that every chicken in this

country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this

really isn't about me.



GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road.

We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or

not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle

ground here.



Richard CHENEY: Where's my gun?



COLIN POWELL: Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the

satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.



BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with that chicken. What is your

definition of crossing?



AL GORE: I invented the chicken.



JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am

now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about

the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against

it.



AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white? We need some black

chickens.



DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize

that he must first deal with the problem on this side of the road

before it goes after the problem on the other side of the road. What

we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking

on his current problems before adding new problems.



OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which

is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the

chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of

life, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive

across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.



ANDERSON COOPER, CNN: We have reason to believe there is a chicken,

but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of

the road.



NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he's guilty! You

can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.



PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.



MARTHA STEWART: No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was

going. I had a standing order at the Farmers Market to sell my eggs

when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any

insider information.



DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad?

Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been

told.



ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain, alone.



JERRY FALWELL: Because the chicken was ######! Can't you people see the

plain truth? That's why they call it the other side. Yes, my friends,

that chicken is ######. And if you eat that chicken, you will become ######,

too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination

that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases

like the other side. That chicken should not be crossing the road.

It's as plain and as simple as that.



GRANDPA: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road.

Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good

enough.



BARBARA WALTERS: Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be

listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming

story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to

accomplish its lifelong dream of crossing the road.



ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.



JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads

together, in peace.



BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken2008, which will not only

cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and

balance your checkbook. Internet Explorer is an integral part of

eChicken2008. This new platform is much more stable and will never

crash.



ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the

road move beneath the chicken?



COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?
"Keep the sun forever at your back, the wind forever in your face, and may forever God bless you out there on the trail."




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